Sometimes the cruelest things are said by people who never expected anyone to get hurt.
At Caleb’s Kindness Project we talk a lot about kindness. What it looks like. Why it matters. How one small act can change someone’s entire day.
But today I want to talk about the other side of that. What happens when kindness is absent. What happens when words — typed behind a screen or spoken without a second thought — land on someone who is already carrying more than you know.
These are two real stories. Both are shared with the deepest respect for the people involved. Names and identifying details have been changed or omitted to protect their privacy. But the truth of what happened — and what it cost — is real.
Story One: He Was Just Doing His Job
A young man showed up to work one day at a fast food restaurant. He was doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing — showing up, working hard, serving customers with a smile.
A customer came through the drive thru, looked at him, and left the line without ordering. A few minutes later the store phone rang.
The customer was calling to report that the young man should not be working around food. The reason? The way his skin looked.
He had burn scars. He had skin that looked different than what that customer expected to see. There was no health concern. There was no risk. There was just a person whose appearance made someone else uncomfortable enough to pick up the phone and make a complaint.
The manager had to deliver that message to him.
He stood there and took it. And that phone call — those words from a stranger who drove away and probably never thought about it again — stayed with him. It hurt him in a way that did not go away.
He did not ask to have scars. He did not choose how his skin looks. He just went to work.
And someone decided that was a problem worth reporting.
You might not call this bullying. The customer may not have intended to hurt anyone. They may have genuinely — though wrongly — believed there was a concern worth reporting. But good intentions do not cancel out harmful impact. That young man did not go home thinking about someone’s intentions. He went home carrying words that were never his to carry.
Story Two: She Was Thriving — Until One Message
This story is harder to tell. But it needs to be told.
She was the kind of person people gravitated toward. Blonde, petite, the one everyone loved. By most measures the world had been kind to her — until it was not.
Then something happened that was not her fault. She was the victim of sexual assault. The kind of trauma that does not just hurt — it rewires you. It changes how you move through the world, how safe you feel in your own body, how much you trust the people around you.
She tried therapy. She tried to heal the right way. But the pain was bigger than she could manage alone and she turned to substances to cope. Addiction followed. It nearly consumed her.
But she fought back. She worked hard. She got to a place where she was finally — finally — doing well. Thriving. Building a life she was proud of.
She had gained weight. A side effect of the medication that was keeping her stable and alive. A small price to pay for being here.
Then one day an anonymous message arrived.
You used to be so beautiful. Now you look like a sack of potatoes.
That was it. That was the whole message. Sent anonymously by someone who will likely never know what those words did.
She became obsessed with it. Could not stop thinking about it. Could not look in the mirror without hearing it. Everything she had built — every day of hard work and healing — started to crack under the weight of eleven words from a stranger.
She found someone who could prescribe phentermine. A weight loss medication. Despite her history — despite everything her body and mind had been through — a prescription was written.
She was gone within three days.
Eleven words. Sent anonymously. By someone who probably thought they were just being honest.
The Common Thread
These two stories are different in almost every way. One happened in person. One happened online. One left a young man embarrassed and hurt. One ended a life.
But they share something important.
In both cases someone pointed out something that the other person could not change. Scars. Weight gained from medication that was keeping someone alive. Things that were never a choice. Things that were simply part of who they were.
And in both cases the person delivering those words had no idea — or did not care — what the other person was carrying.
That is the thing about cruelty. It rarely comes with full information. You do not know that the person you just commented on is a survivor. You do not know that they are three months sober. You do not know that they spent years hating the very thing you just pointed out and finally — finally — made peace with it.
You just see something that makes you uncomfortable and you say the thing.
And then you move on.
But they do not.
What We Can Do Differently
Caleb’s Kindness Project was built on a simple belief — that kindness is a choice. And like every choice it gets easier the more you practice it.
Here is what we ask:
Before you comment on someone’s appearance — ask yourself if they can change it. If the answer is no, keep it to yourself.
Before you send an anonymous message — ask yourself if you would say it to their face. If the answer is no, do not send it.
Before you make a complaint about someone — ask yourself if there is an actual problem or if you are just uncomfortable. Discomfort is not a reason to hurt someone.
And when you see someone being kind — say something. Notice it. Celebrate it. The world needs more of that.
Caleb chose kindness every single day. That is his legacy and it is the mission we carry forward.
If this post resonated with you — share it. You never know who needs to read it today.
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Caleb’s Kindness Project Spreading kindness one act at a time — in memory of Caleb